Never a Hello, Nor a Goodbye
by Danyella Skyler Silverfire
Summary: The Yuugi-tachi are in collage together and Jouno and Seto develop a strange friendship over the course of several phone calls, where they never say hello or goodbye.


**Title:** Never a Hello, Nor a Goodbye  
**Series:** Strange Conversations  
**Fandom:** Yu-Gi-Oh!  
**Author:** Danyella Skyler Silverfire  
**Website:** Livejournal, or  
**Rating:** PG  
**Genre(s):** Humor  
**Pairing(s):** Seto/Jouno Kinda... well _they_ don't see it.  
**Summary:** The Yuugi-tachi are in collage together and Jouno and Seto develop a strange friendship over the course of several phone calls, where they never say hello or goodbye.  
**Warnings:** Humor, jokes, and general weirdness.  
**Disclaimer:** Checks reality meter (It's remarkably Magic Eight Ball shaped). shakeshake Do I own Naruto? Nope still the right reality. Go eat a tuna sandwich instead. stares Damn.  
**Author's Note:** This whole thing started with the first line and developed from there. Takes place four years after the end of the series.  
**Word Count:** 5,175

Never a Hello, Nor a Goodbye

Jouno grinned as he hit number ten on his speed dial. "You know what's great about having your own car? You can fart if you want to."

_"Is that you Jounouchi?"_ Kaiba's acerbic yet slightly surprised voice growled.

"Yup, I felt like sharing, I had your number and knew you'd be up."

_"How did you get my personal cell number?"_ Kaiba demanded.

"Mokuba. So how goes your insidious take over of the world?"

_"'Insidious take over of the world?' I run a company Jounouchi, not an army."_

"Thus the insidious part," Jouno pointed out as it was blatantly obvious.

Kaiba was silent for a moment. _"...Right. Why did you call me?"_

"I felt like it. So do you think I should dye Yuugi's hair?"

Kaiba sighed and decided to indulge the crazed blonde. _"...What color?"_

"I'm thinking a nice drab tan." Jouno couldn't help but grin at the mental image.

_"Tan?"_

"Yeah; I figure with as many colors as his hair's seen that I should find something different. That and I think his brain will freeze if it's all one color." Jouno shrugged even though Kaiba couldn't see it.

_"Probably. Are you actually driving in your state?"_ Kaiba actually sounded amused by the conversation now.

"No, I'm taming a lion. Of course I'm driving. I have to get home somehow; and since I haven't mastered the fine art of teleporting yet, this will have to do."

_"Stop in tomorrow."_

"Why?" Jouno asked suspiciously. _'He's going to off me I know it.'_

_"I need you to deliver a package to Motou, and he refuses to accept any packages from me unless you deliver them,"_ Kaiba sounded seriously peeved by that.

"He's still trying to get us to interact? I thought he had given up," Jouno was surprised, he had thought Yuugi had gotten the point; he and Kaiba just don't get along. It was a biological impulse#1 or something.

_"No, he's just decided to concentrate on me for now."_ He sounded _really_ annoyed by that.

"Ah... He's trying to be sneaky. You should tell him next time to at least wear a hat if he's going to attempt it. You know; the hair. Maybe remove a few buckles." Jouno grinned at the new mental image of a non-goth Yuugi, _'So weird.'_

_"Lunch?"_

"Sure." Jouno snapped shut his phone and tossed it into the passenger seat. He felt oddly better after his conversation with Kaiba; which was the polar opposite of how it usually goes. _'I wonder what the package is... I wonder what we're having for lunch tomorrow.'_

OOO

Otogi bopped along with the song on the radio, 'She Bops' as he stood before the stove cooking breakfast. It was rather amusing to Yuugi from where he sat idly shuffling his cards at the bar.

"So many pancakes. What's wrong?" Honda asked as he wandered out of his room.

"I think Otogi woke up in one of his domestic kicks. Muffin?" Yuugi pulled up a towel revealing a mountain of baked goods.

"What kinds?" Honda asked taking the stool next to his diminutive friend.

"Check the list." Yuugi pointed to a notebook sitting further down the bar.

Honda read over the list curiously. "Orange-banana?"

"Here you go." Yuugi handed over a muffin to a startled brunette. "They're pretty good."

A few minutes later the phone started ringing. Bopping over Otogi picked up, "You've reached The Dungeon, Master Dice speaking."

_"Put 'The King' on,"_ a sinister voice growled out.

"Phone!" Otogi called, blindly chucking the phone over his shoulder.

Honda caught it. "Master Speed speaking; State your plea."

_"The King, damn it,"_ the voice snapped in annoyance.

Honda handed over the phone, "Its Master Bitch. He sounds like he's in a good mood for once."

"The King speaking," Yuugi said looking over a peach muffin suspiciously.

_"You're getting a package."_ The phone clicked off leaving an annoyed Yuugi staring at it.

"I hate it when he does that. Why is it that we go through all this drama, and all he has to say is one freaking line?"

"He's... succinct," Honda said around a blueberry-vanilla muffin.

"It's one of his more endearing qualities," Otogi said stirring goop in a bowl almost too vigorously.

"I'll tell Jouno when he gets up later for class." Yuugi shrugged and bit into the muffin.

OOO

"Red... doesn't suit you," Jouno commented as he walked up to Kaiba's table in the trendy caf.

"I'm not wearing red." Kaiba eyed Jounouchi warily.

"Which is good. I'll have some oolong tea," Jouno told the waitress as he seated himself across from Kaiba.

"I'm surprised you came alone."

"I gave my valet the day off. I feel like I should be distinctly uncomfortable. Nice place by the way." Jouno leaned back in his seat and eyed the dcor around them.

"Nice vest." Kaiba eyed said item thoughtfully.

"Yeah, Anzu attacked me with it as I was leaving our house." Jouno shrugged as he tugged self-consciously on said item.

"Attacked?" Kaiba raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"Yeah... I don't want to think about it... that poor shelf." Jouno sniffed theatrically.

"I don't want to know, but I want video," Kaiba said after a moment of thought and a sip of his coffee.

"I'll have Honda send you a copy."

They sat there for a minute before Kaiba finally asked, "How's school?"

"It's school. How's work?"

"It's work. Mokuba is threatening me with a vacation."

Jouno straightened up in surprise, "Again?"

Kaiba nodded in emphasis, "Indeed."

"You would think he would know that won't work. The world always almost gets destroyed every time you do. Vacation that is."

"No, it's almost taken over every time."

"Hardly any difference. Thanks." Jouno smiled at the waitress and waved at a glaring yuppie. "You know, I thought those were extinct."

"What?" Kaiba asked curious.

"Yuppies," Jouno pointed at said phenomena.

"Sadly no; but I like the coffee here." Kaiba smiled at the waitress that had returned with a plate of brownies.

"That's creepy. Don't do that. I have enough nightmares from Honda's gorillafriend. Girlfriend, I mean girlfriend, even though she looks like a gorilla." He cringed at the very thought of her.

"I don't want to know."

"Neither do I but I'll tell you anyway."

"Please don't."

"Just imagine Yuugi's face when you ask if Honda's gorilla-girlfriend has shaved her legs yet."

"Please find another topic to discuss."

"You know of a way I can actually get any studying done for school without interruptions for advice on how to hold up a police car?" Jouno asked as he dunked his brownie in Kaiba's coffee.

"Police car?"

"Some game, I didn't ask and kicked Ryou out of my room."

"Why do you all live together anyway?"

"It's a lot cheaper to get a nice big place if you have six people paying. Besides we all go to the same collage."

"So you lot _are_ capable of being practical."

"Statistically."

"All I can suggest is find somewhere else to do it."

"Well the library's out. The librarian seriously creeps me out."

"They tend to do that."

"No I mean, I think she's interested in me. I don't go for older, married women."

"That's a smart policy."

"So that the package?"

"Yes. Can you manage not to break it?"

"Barring unforeseen circumstances; yeah."

"So no mysteriously getting Honda's head stuck in it?"

"Correct sir." Jouno snapped off a brisk salute.

"Try hitting him with one of your text books."

"Won't work, he drools on them." Jouno said as he finished up his tea and brownie.

"Right."

Jouno gave Kaiba a grin as he took the package and left a bemused Kaiba alone to his refill of coffee.

OOO

Anzu sighed and stretched out on her lounge chair contentedly. It was a beautiful morning to work on her tan, especially since the guys didn't mind her doing so topless. They had managed to work out a deal between them; essentially that if they could go topless, she can go topless.

She'd really thought her parents would've had more of a problem with her moving in with five guys, but they seemed to like the idea. Though she was rather insulted that they apparently thought she was a lesbian living in a house with a bunch of gay guys. But it did let her stay with her friends so she didn't bother to correct them.

_'Schoolwork was so much easier when you have books on tape,'_ Anzu thought in satisfaction as she changed the disk in her CD player.

A shorts-clad Ryou came through the inside door into the greenhouse and lay in the next lounge. "I thought you had class."

"After lunch, so not yet. What about you?" Anzu asked turning off her book.

"Just got back. We having a game tonight?" the pale boy asked as he started to rub tanning oil into his arms.

"Yeah, it's my turn to DM, so we're doing the magical beast campaign."

"Cool, I get to level up my griffon character."

OOO

"Does your secretary take classes in tact that you missed out on?"

_"No... Why?"_ Kaiba drawled, curious.

"Because, she managed to tell me to get lost so well, I was doing my homework before I realized what she did."

_"Is that why you called me?"_

"No."

_"...Then **why** did you call me."_

"Do you think I should get a penguin shirt?"

_"What?"_

"Well I was reading Anzu's Tokyo Babylon..."

_"Say no more. That scene's creepy."_

"...You read it?"

_"...Yes? Should I not have?"_

"Do you have the fifth volume? Anzu doesn't."

_"I have all of them."_

"Why didn't I know that? Did you read them all?"

_"I know about the penguin. And yes you should. Make sure there's also a sakura tree."_

"Yeah... That's nice and creepy. Teach Otogi to steal my yogurt."

_"...I don't want to know."_

"You know I'll tell you anyway, but I don't know why either, so subject change."

_"Are you even capable of logical thought?"_

"That's what other people do. Are you capable of doing things small?"

_"That's what other people do. What do you want?"_

"Can you loan me enough for a subway card?"

_"Where are you?"_

"At the subway station, duh."

_"**Which** subway station?"_

"The one closest to Kaiba Corp." Jouno looked down at his disconnected cell phone. "Fine, see if I ask for five bucks again. I hate when Honda takes the car."

Jouno was counting his accumulated change again, and was still short five minutes later when Kaiba's voice interrupted him, "Jounouchi."

Jouno looked up with a grin, "Hey rich-bitch."

"'Rich-bitch?'"

Jouno shrugged, "Weird mood. So you _are_ going to loan me five bucks?"

"And how are you planning to pay me back?"

"Copy of a picture of Yuugi wearing one of Anzu's dresses and some of Otogi's jewelry."

"...That little?"

"You want more?"

"I mean you want so little for a copy of that picture?"

"...Oh, no I'm fine except I need enough to pay for a subway card."

"I thought you have a car."

"I do. But Honda took it - by tossing me headfirst into a bush actually. I have to get him back for that."

"Where do you need to go?"

"Home."

"I'll give you a ride."

"Cool."

OOO

"Moo."

"You're a cow now Jounouchi?"

"No, but I want a pet one."

"A pet _cow_?"

"Yeah, I was watching City Slickers earlier."

"How many times do I have to tell you not to trust Hollywood's version of the world?"

"Until the jokes get old."

"Right. Other than that, what do you want now?"

"Your opinion on the cow first. And then, your opinion on what kind of scissors to use on Yuugi's hair."

"First, I don't understand why you would want one. They stink. On the second, wire cutters definitely. Does he know?"

"Of course not! Do you think I'd be stupid enough to tell him? Especially after what happened to Malik?"

"Depends on the day. How do you like quiche?"

"Leafy."

"Leafy?"

"Like spinach."

"And cheddar?"

"Pepper Jack."

"Sounds good."

"Stop getting me to help you decide your lunch. Where are you?"

"Board meeting."

"...That's actually ruder than me. Congratulations! I'll send you a daisy later."

"Not a chain?"

"Well _now_ I will."

OOO

Kaiba eyed the gift in front of him thoughtfully. It was a brown teddy bear dressed in white devil gear (which is a feat in and of itself). The bear was hanging from a metal daisy chain necklace, like a little girl would wear, in a noose around its neck and attached to a toy gallows. "Do you think he's trying to tell me something?"

His secretary hid a smile, "I believe he's telling you to hang yourself."

"I thought so. Nice use of resources. I'm impressed."

"I personally thought you'd be angry at him."

"I find myself more amused of late. Shocked, but amused." Kaiba frowned as one of the cell phones lined up neurotically straight across his desk started to ring. "Kaiba."

_"Where can I hire a competent minion/housekeeper; preferably a retired assassin that still keeps their hand in."_

"I thought I already bought all the ones currently on the market." Seto asked smiling slightly.

_"Damn. Can I borrow one?"_

"Why do you need one of my: 'competent minion/housekeeper; who is a retired assassin that still keeps their hand in' Jounouchi?"

_"That wasn't a direct quote."_

"That wasn't a direct answer."

_"You like mocking me don't you? I've noticed that."_

"Only just now?"

_"No, I noticed about six years ago. It's just gotten rather high brow recently."_

"We didn't know each other six years ago."

_"Six, five, whatever. You're good at preemptive mocking."_

"So why do you need my retired assassin/minion/housekeeper?"

_"We have a rat. Or a dog... maybe a bum."_

"Get a trap. A big one."

_"For a bum?"_

"Use a bottle of beer as bait."

_"What if it's a baby?"_

"Babies aren't bums yet."

_"It's a preemptive bum."_

"Why am I beginning to think you're talking about asses?"

_"Too many bums. Dude, someone left me a note. Someone actually left **me** a note!"_

"In comparison to a Brazilian estate?"

_"What?"_

"I thought you were speaking of your inheritance."

_"I don't want a helicopter."_

"What?"

_"...Long story, weird uncle."_

"I... see... At least your father didn't leave you an insane computer program that likes to eavesdrop."

_"And wants your job."_

"Not to mention my body."

_"Along with half the world, but they mostly want your money. Besides my dad's still alive last time I checked the bar."_

"Well he _is_ a bartender."

_"And yet he **still** won't let me buy a leather jacket."_

"I agree; you _would_ look like a thug."

_"I thought I **was** a thug."_

"No, you're too smart to be a thug. You're an evil mastermind in training."

_"So anyway... apparently I'm babysitting. First I've heard of this."_

"Babysitting? Since when?"

_"Since yesterday night apparently; and my freaking weekend too."_

"As opposed to Anzu's weekend?"

_"Wait a second! **Yuugi's** kid? Yuugi had sex and didn't tell me? You would think he would want to spread the knowledge around. Here have a cookie kid."_

"How old are we talking?"

_"I don't know. How old are you kid?"_

"Can it talk?"

_"Yes and 'Nina' is three. She seems rather sweet and innocent. I'm worried."_

"Mokuba seemed that way too. I'll send over a maid."

_"Cool."_

Kaiba shut off the phone and looked up at his secretary who was giving him weird looks. "What? Can you call housekeeping to my office?"

OOO

"Do I spend all of my time studying?"

_"Not that I've noticed. You do a lot of things."_

"I thought so. Otogi was being delusional and says I do nothing but study yet I managed to take good care of a three-year-old. I think someone's been putting something into Otogi's food again. Man the last time someone switched out the Splenda for sugar. Let's just say they never did _that_ again."

_"I remember. I still have the coat and scar."_

"He did apologize for the trash can."

_"At risk of sounding like an old man, it aches, especially when it's raining. And it is raining."_

"That's because you tense up when it rains. Just get someone to massage your arm and it'll be fine."

_"I can massage my own arm."_

"Not properly."

_"Where are you?"_

"The caf."

_"Yours or mine?"_

"Mine. I have a paper due day after tomorrow."

_"See you in ten."_

"Uh... Cool." Jouno shrugged and wondered if turning his textbook upside down would make it any clearer. "I hate physics. I just know I'm going to need this too."

"You want anything, dear?" the waitress asked as she came over.

"Rich-bitch is coming."

"I'll warm up a slice of pie."

"I'd like a veggie platter," Jounouchi requested with a smile.

"Coming right up."

Jouno was just figuring out how much fuel it would take to burn down his physics teacher's house when Kaiba slid into the booth across from him holding a mug of coffee already.

"You want to indulge in arson?"

"I can't since my taser was confiscated."

"_You_ got something confiscated? And a taser no less?"

"One of my secretaries sicced security on me after this morning's disaster."

"You were thinking of doing something humorous yet illegal to one of your minions weren't you?"

"He lost _all_ of the information on a nearly complete game."

"And the world hasn't flinched in terror and offered up their first born daughters to slake your anger upon yet?"

"I think I'll turn gay first." Kaiba accepted the offered up pie with a smile.

"Good thing you're asexual then."

"I'm not asexual."

"I'm not asexual, I'm just bored."

"Are you mocking me?"

"I figured fair game. So you got frisked for your taser by your own employees?"

"Mokuba's orders; after the last incident they listened." Kaiba sighed before eating more of his pie.

"Last incident?"

"You remember that power outage last year?"

"I _knew_ it was you! But what the hell did you do with that much power?"

"I was getting mugged."

"I thought you didn't believe in magic?"

"What does magic have to do with anything?"

"Then how did you go from being mugged to a city wide power outage?"

"I was trying out my new taser and it sparked."

"Sparked?"

"The power station."

"It sparked the power station?"

"There was an explosion."

"I... see. I'll confiscate your tasers too."

"I don't have any right now. That was my only good one."

"Good enough to blow up a power station?"

"Exactly." Kaiba smirked as the waitresses tittered behind him. "See they agree with me. The only good taser is a taser you can use to jump your car."

"How big was the freaking battery?"

"Big enough to use as a nice sized cudgel when it runs out of juice. The power ran out of the battery after two shots. So you have to make sure to make the shocks count."

"I can see how you would feel safe carrying that around with you."

"It's not like anyone ever noticed it."

"Did the mugger at least live?"

"He was wearing rubber rain boots."

"Did he live?"

"That's a good question. But yes, though his boots didn't. He now works in my typing pool. He's also now devoutly catholic."

"You really need to get a hobby."

"I did have one; now Mokuba takes it away every time I get a new one."

"It's gotta be the batteries. Where did you _get_ them?"

"One of my secretaries' vibrators; it's her fault for leaving it in her desk when she got fired. By the way do you need a vibrator?"

"I don't want a used vibrator! That's sick!"

"I wasn't talking about hers. I'm talking about one of the others. But you'll have to get your own batteries."

"You buy one every time you run out of batteries don't you?"

"Yes. And three just melted."

"You really need a new hobby. I think you're actually _worse_ than you were in high school."

"Do you have any ideas?"

"The ennui has gotten to you hasn't it?"

"I need something to do other than work. I want to be a _borderline_ workaholic. Not a full blown, I haven't seen the outside of Kaiba Corp in months, one."

"That's... probably a good idea. But ordering vibrators for their batteries is just weird."

"Well I'm also using them for another project as well but you don't need to know that."

"Revenge on Mokuba?"

"...Not quite; more like for a certain person's grave."

"...Vindictive, sick, depraved yet imaginative; I approve. Good use of semi used vibrators."

"I didn't use the vibrators."

"So you _didn't_ have vibrator races in the hallway like Mokuba told me about?"

"...I forgot about that."

"If I didn't think you'd do something weird with it I'd get you a blow up doll."

"Motou actually bred?"

"Yeah, weird, don't know the story; but apparently I'm a good babysitter even if I do it the zombie-sleep-walker way."

"'Zombie-sleep-walker way?'"

"She comes up to me while I'm studying and says she's hungry so I make her a sandwich and go back to work; that sort of thing."

"Why are you studying that much?"

"Mid-terms are coming and my teachers hate me."

"Physics?"

"Yeah, you know that stuff right?"

"We've worked together before; yes."

"Good. Show me how to do this logically."

OOO

_"Can Motou loan me his imaginary magic?"_

"No you can't curse your executives. We've discussed this Sparky. Honda, stop that." Jouno glared over at the brunette.

_"Not even with a little thing like Mind Crush?"_

"Only Yami can do that one."

_"Can I borrow Yami then?"_

"N... I don't know, let me ask." Jouno pulled his cell away from his ear and looked over at his friend. "Can Kaiba borrow Yami to Mind Crush someone?"

Yuugi's eyes flashed white briefly and suddenly it was Yami gawking at him.

"Yami's gawking at me now. And there's not even any nudity and vulgar body art this time."

_"Well what does he say?"_

"I told you, he's gawking." Jouno stared expectantly at Yami. "He only wants to use it a little."

_"Or maybe loan me the god cards for five minutes."_

"Or loan him the god cards for five minutes."

"Jouno... are you possessed?" Yami asked tentatively.

"Coming from the spirit of a dead king that resides in my friend's body, that's funny."

_"Did he say something?"_

"He's just being stupid. Yami put down the phone!"

"I need to know if Malik's in town again."

"He's not... well he's not doing anything to me anyway; I'm just relaying Kaiba's message. Can he borrow your Mind Crush?"

"Only I can do that."

"Then can he borrow you?"

"No!" Yami exclaimed in shock.

"He only wants to borrow it a little."

_"I'm willing to accept use of the god cards."_ Kaiba put in.

"Or the god cards."

"_No!_"

Honda tentatively broke in, "Doesn't Kaiba _need_ his executives to help run the company?"

"...Point. Kaiba how many can you actually do without?"

_"Right now? All of them."_

"He says he doesn't need any of them."

_"Change of plan Jounouchi. Grab your book bag, Motou's spawn, and as much sugar as she can ever eat."_

"That's an evil and low form of biological warfare. Yuugi won't mind that one. Never mind Yami. We just need to borrow Nina."

"S-sure Jouno," Yami stuttered confused.

"Cool. Later guys!" Jouno leaned over and picked up Nina. "We're going to meet Sparky."

_"Jounouchi put away the phone and don't call me Sparky."_

OOO

"So this is nice."

"Very."

"Picturesque."

"Quite."

"...No house."

"True."

"I'm going to kill your brother you realize."

"It's not like he doesn't do this all the time."

"Kaiba, Mokuba had your former assassin housekeeper knock us out and send us to an abandoned island without even a house."

"There's a hut."

"Where?"

"The other side of the knoll."

"How do you know this?"

"How do you think he gets me to take a vacation in the first place?"

"I fear for the world when he spawns."

"Indeed, and I won't need to."

"Unless it's a girl."

"...I still won't need to, with her having a father more evil than I."

"...Some people really shouldn't be rich."

"Too late to do anything about it now."

"...So..."

"What now?"

"Can I go around nude?"

"I'm not rubbing lotion on your burn."

"Coolness."

"Until you get the burn."

"Is this experience speaking?"

"Yes."

"Weird. You really are a guy."

"As opposed to a lemur?"

"You're a leper?"

"Lemur not leper you moron."

"Then don't lisp."

"I don't _lithp_."

"...You do that well."

"Thank you."

"So I'm nude."

"I can see that."

"You're semi nude."

"You're point?"

"Wanna play strip poker?"

"Only way we can play is if you put your clothes back on."

"Not if we're playing reverse strip poker."

"...True. But then I'll have to strip."

"Is there any booze?"

"In the hut."

"What kind of booze?"

"If it's like the last few times... strong booze."

"And I thought my family was dysfunctional."

"You have a family?"

"You've met my sister."

"I did?"

"The brunette cheering me on in the finals of Battle City."

"I thought you had gotten a girlfriend."

"One, no. Two, no. Three, I was laughing at Honda and Otogi."

"...I don't want to know."

"Neither do I, which is why I don't."

"...I'm going to get drunk now."

"In the hut?"

"No on my yacht. Of course the hut. Then the beach."

"Do you get sharks?"

"Try and see."

OOO

Yuugi distractedly answered his phone as he was skimming over his biology notes. "Moshi moshi."

_"Hey Yuugi!"_ Jouno said cheerfully from the other end of the line.

"Jouno? I thought you were on vacation?" Yuugi asked, confused.

_"Oh, we are. But soon-to-be-dead-Mokuba left us a phone that's hardwired with your number."_

"Oh." Yuugi paused and thought it over. "So how's it going?"

_"Great. Mokuba-the-traitor left us some good liquor."_ Jouno sounded _too_ cheerful about that.

"How much have you had?"

_"Enough. I caught a squid!"_ Yuugi could practically hear Jouno bouncing. _"It almost got me instead, but I triumphed in the end. I am a manly-man."_

"It's only six inches long." Yuugi heard Seto say in the background. _"And it grabbed your leg while you were swimming."_

"AH! It's still alive! Get it off! Get it off!"

"Umm... Jouno?" Yuugi asked worried at the sudden screams coming from his intoxicated friend.

_"This is... Sparky."_ Kaiba drawled with a heavy slur. _"Slap it against the rocks."_

"It's on my face!" Jouno howled in the background. Yuugi could almost hear Jouno running in panicked circles. _"Get it off! Get it off!"_

"Please hold." Kaiba told Yuugi before dropping the phone. _"I'll save you Kitty-Kat! Release him fell creature!"_

"Yuugi, what's wrong?" Anzu asked worriedly.

"I don't know." Yuugi shook his head with a disturbed frown. "It sound's like Jouno's getting eaten by a squid and Kaiba's... saving him? I think they've had too much booze wherever they are."

_"Kill it! Kill it! Kilt it!"_ Jouno chanted inaccurately.

_"I'm gonna eat it!"_ Kaiba declared woozily.

_"Where'd you get that?!"_ Jouno demanded. There was a thwacking sound followed by Jouno yelping. _"You're gonna kill it!"_

"Not yet I'm not! You don't know how sturdy these things are!"

There was silence for a minute then Jouno's disturbed yet impressed voice said, _"I can't believe you **ate** it!"_

"That's what you're supposed to do." Kaiba's muffled voice said.

_"Have you managed to swallow it yet?"_

"Not yet. Getting there. Got it." There was a pause then, _"What a fighter."_

"That was the most disgusting and macho thing I've ever seen and I was in a gang!"

"I think it's still trying to get away. Urk." Kaiba sounded nauseous.

_"It's still alive?"_

"Yeah, I think it's trying to make its way back towards my esophagus. Don't worry it'll stop soon." Kaiba croaked out.

_"Dude you look like you're going to get sick on the phone. What's the phone doing there?"_

"I think we're in the middle of a phone call."

"Hello? I'd like to order a pizza?" Jouno's voice came louder.

_"Hey! It's stopped moving!"_

"Yeah, you look like you are feeling better."

"Can I have some breadsticks with the pizza?"

"Yeah can we have an order of breadsticks with our pizza?"

"Uh... Jouno? I'm not the pizza place." Yuugi slowly pointed out.

_"Oh... Sorry Sparky it's not the pizza place."_

"No pizza?" Kaiba sounded... distraught.

_"Nice talking to ya Yuugi, you should call again."_

Yuugi was left holding a disconnected phone staring at his other worried friends.

"Yuugi?"

"I think they're really drunk... but okay. I think." Yuugi slowly hung up his cell and frowned. "Squid? He _ate_ it?"

OOO

Jouno turned and waved at the shorts clad salvagers. "Thanks for the ride guys!"

"No problem Kitty-Kat. Later Sparky." The various tanned salvagers called out after the two vacationers.

Kaiba turned and started off down the docks with a bemused Jouno strolling next to him.

"How are we going to get home? I don't know about you but I don't have a current passport."

"Don't worry about it. I have one for you. We just need them forwarded. You do speak English right?" Kaiba asked as he eyed a waist high coil of rope suspiciously.

"Yeah why?"

"Because we're in Australia. They mostly speak English here."

"/Well bite my lily-white ass Sparky./"

"/I've just spent the last two weeks staring at your 'lily-white ass' and it wasn't all that white to begin with./" Kaiba snorted in disgust when some peon dropped their lunch in shock. "/I told you it was all on you. I wasn't touching your sunburned hide. Lotion or no./"

"/Are you saying you don't find me sexy?/"

"/I have too much respect for you to have more than an esthetic appreciation./"

"/What the hell is that supposed to mean?/"

"/I don't date people I like. The last one I did is still in prison./"

"/So that's why you hire dates?/"

"/Yup./"

Jouno paused before asking, "/So it's not because you're impotent?/" He had barely finished the sentence before Kaiba smacked in the back of the head.

"/You have no idea what you're talking about Kitty-Kat. At least I date my own species./"

"/What are you talking about? I swear it was only that one time! And _you_ swore you'd never mention it./"

"/No, you swore. Quite well, in five languages./"

"/Yeah, that's about all I know in those languages./" Jouno paused and flagged down a taxi. "/You're paying./"

"/No, Mokuba-the-evil is paying./"

"/You do mean soon-to-be-bait-Mokuba's allowance right?/"

"/Why do you think he's always broke after my 'vacation's'?/" Kaiba drawled as he got into the cab. "/The nearest Japanese embassy./"

"/I thought it was because he went on a spending spree for stuff you won't let him get./"

"/That's why he doesn't have one for so long afterwards./"

"/Seriously, you guys can teach classes on how to be dysfunctional./"

"/Says you./"

OOO

**#1: Biological Impulse:** Yes that's right biological impulse. Jou's just being weird. 


End file.
